(This piece ends the 50th
anniversary year of my first article in Runner’s World magazine.)
December 2001. The
September day when everything changed began the same as all days do for me. I
woke up early but kept the radio and television quiet for the first hour. I
didn’t know that the world as we’d known it was crumbling in that same hour.
The morning’s silence, and its peace, ended just before I went out
to run. I listened, stunned, to the bulletins on the seven o’clock news. Each
report sounded worse than the one before.
Since that day I’ve heard from many runners. They were about
equally split between those who ran anyway but felt guilty about it and those
who couldn’t bring themselves to run because it seemed suddenly unimportant,
even disrespectful.
My day’s run was slow to start. But I never thought about not
starting it and never felt this act trivialized the tragedy.
Running still mattered, and now more than ever. To head out anyway
on a day like this wasn’t heartless or selfish; just the opposite.
I wasn’t going out to play, but to worry and to mourn. This run
opened my heart to thoughts about the pain of others.
No one could run away from a problem this immense. At most a hard,
mind-numbing run could act as a brief escape from horrible, non-stop news that
threatened to overwhelm us.
Running serves better by letting us run with a problem instead of getting away from it. A run can turn down
the volume and slows the pace of events – away from the radio, TV, computer,
car, job – and can let us stare the problem in the face.
Such runs can be wrenching, as tears and fears rise up with
nothing to deflect them. This is a necessary part of healing, since letting
ourselves feel our worst helps us start to get better.
We could do the same by going for a walk or bike ride, or just
sitting in a quiet room. But running is where we’re likely to turn in the bad
times because this is a friend we know so well.
Some tragedies are national ones that we all must endure together.
More often they are the personal blows that strike each of us, and we must work
through them on our own.
My father died suddenly and much too soon (at a younger age than
mine now). That loss hit me so hard that I couldn’t write a word about it, or
anything else, for a long time.
Yet in those darkest of days I never missed a run. He was a former
runner himself and a great lifelong fan of the sport, but I didn’t use the
comforting line, “He would have wanted me to keep running.”
That would have been a minor truth. The real reason I kept running
was because I needed it, and then more than ever.
Running when you’re hurting inside is important. How you approach
the run also matters. Such as:
Run alone unless you have a companion who knows you well enough to
let you drop your happy face and brave front. Run only with someone who’ll let
you talk or stay still as needed.
Run quietly, far away from the noise of traffic (and the dangers
of competing with cars while lost in thought). Leave your headset behind, along
with its distracting and upsetting voices.
Run simply. Plan nothing hard or complex (no interval sessions, no
races, no time trials), but slip into an auto-pilot pace that lets you think
far beyond what you’re running at the moment.
Running can’t solve the world’s problems, nor can it make your own
disappear. That isn’t the purpose of a crisis-run.
What the running on those days does is let you step away from
ground zero, look inside yourself, and sort through your thoughts and emotions
before coming back to wrestle with the new realities. That’s why running still
matters – more than ever.
2018 Update. Weekly reruns
of columns from my years with Runner’s
World end with this one. All 200 of them that ran under the title “Joe’s
Journal” now combine in the book This
Runner’s World. Writings from Marathon
& Beyond magazine will begin to appear here next week.
[Many books of mine, old
and recent, are now available in two different formats: in print and as ebooks
from Amazon.com. The titles: Going Far, Home Runs, Joe’s Team, Learning to
Walk, Long Run Solution, Long Slow Distance, Next Steps, Pacesetters, Running with
Class, Run Right Now, Run Right Now Training Log, See How We Run, Starting
Lines, and This Runner’s World, plus Rich Englehart’s book about me, Slow Joe.]
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